I went to sign up for a line and chose a package to sign on.
The customer service told me: with this package, you can call three numbers for free totally anytime,everywhere.
I didn't have an answer.
As I climb up the ladder, I get more and more sick of this phenomenon.
Intellectual snobbery. Aren't people with higher intelligence supposed to have better emotional capacity? Because they understand/know more, they should have more empathy for people and acknowledge the inequalities in reality and then help people, solve things.
But then they only use it for their own advantage and exploit people. They just wanna keep climbing higher and higher, be better than everyone else. Being better or the best gives them a sense of satisfaction. So what began as meritocracy actually ends up as elitism.
And uncaring elites tend to be anglophiles who reject their own culture ( a bit of generalisation yea), they are classist and only take sides with the more powerful ( but not necessarily righteous) side. They are what I call comformist, vain and power hungry people who wants to look good.
That was what happened during the Late Qing dynasty where some idiots chose to side with the "enemies" which contributed to the divergence of society and eventual downfall of china and had a very slow recovery.
I cant stand how some people in school just flaunt their academic knowledge all the time and take pride in how brainy they are. In the outside world, nobody knows about your academic jargons. They mean nothing. Ok, maybe I am making a sweeping statement here.
And then some elites have really corrupted values and they justify them with their so-called theories and philosophical jargons they have read somewhere. Probably from Freud or Nietzsche. Nihilism and the idea that morals are nothing but just shaped by society blah blah blah. so they tweak it to their own advantage.
And then the thing about white collar crimes, these people are more implicit and subtle than than the outright baddies. Scary.
the highest paid jobs in the world is fuelled by ego and driven by....I cant find the word for it. Anyway, the "care for others" jobs are paid so little. Like nurses, and stuff. If you know what I mean.
Anyway, my ideal elite is someone like Bertrand Russell. He's so wise and actually has/had a heart. An empathy for the human race and everyone in general and tries to steer us towards a positive direction.
People who are more educated are more refined and good? Not really.
Sometimes I dont want to climb up the ladder anymore, I'm losing my innocence. my precious innocence.
I realise that I'm like a fully permeable membrane when it comes to love. If I really like you, I will merge my world with yours, without including my world.
I will try to love your friends,family and even your dog. I will get adapted to your imperfections and adopt little habits of yours. I will get interested in your interests. I will get accustomed to your values. I will speak your language. I will do things to make you happy.
I will cook breakfast for you and make your bed for you. Warm your bed before night time during winter. Why do I sound so submissive wtf =.= aiseh. I think I will become a house husband next time hahahaha and my 16-17 years (including university which I have not attended lol) of education will go down the drain.
And I lose myself.
But then I need to have a firmer stand. Never, ever settle for a relationship that doesn't allow you to be yourself. True love doesnt calculate, does it? Can love be calculated, then?
I realise I'm kinda less superficial than other guys. I fall in love with people's soul. And its so easy to get me. Just be nice to me and I'll fall in love with you.
Why are we medicating the symptoms and not curing the root cause of it all?
Why are we so caught up and obsessed with the means that we forgot what was the end goal in the first place?
All I need is someone to understand me and do things with me together. Is it that difficult.
I need some divine intervention in my life right now. I'm so weak.
Ive moved house again, the 6th or 7th time in 18 years. I feel like a vietnam boat refugee, without a stable home. having to drift here and there.
I live across st.patrick's now, very near to VJ. I should totally transfer school lol. My area has a lot of private housing and man I feel inferior. Keep up with the joneses tsk. But buddha says we must be contented with what we have! Ok so what if "our house" is rented now? This is only temporary! Actually, its my own fault eh, my parents sold the house because of me in the first place =.=
I miss having the whole house to ourselves, doing what I do when I feel like it like screaming randomly or dancing retardedly and singing in the shower. Now got people around, cant do that much lol. I miss my stuff even more, they're all packed up now and I cant take them out and fondle them regularly while reminiscing about the past.
I went to take a look at st.pats unintentionally that day and damn the school looks so posh, better than any institutions I have attended! I wondered what happened to maris stella man, must be bro anthony's fault. Swallow all the funds meant for infrastructure.
Life is kinda fast-paced and unstable now but I believe it will get better, after my A levels. I can survive this. I can do it!
Happy birthday to me! *clap clap*
Happy birthday to me! *clap clap*
Happy birthday to me! *clap clap*
Happy birthday to me ~ooohhh Happy birthday to me!
Ok Ive got so many things to say. Firstly, today starts operation night study, day fucking one. I need to get my act together again, Ive got so many dreams to accomplish and Ive already painted out a canvas of who I want to be. In five years time, I want to read this post again and give myself a pat on the back and say to myself: Well done!"
As much as I'm idealistic, embracing bohemianism, I still have to succumb to the harsh facts of reality. I need to get into a uni. But then, I shouldn't be so harsh on myself also. My emotional health takes priority over anything else.
I know I can do it, if I put my heart and soul into it. But I need to learn how not to get stressed up so easily and do things with the right spirit. Patience. Patience! Do one thing at a time! dont panic! and keep going on!
Ok, I had a huge fight with dad two days ago. And we almost murdered each other haha. I just experienced a real-life manifestation of the cold war theory lol. Implicit and indirect confrontation at first then sudden escalation and tension a.k.a the cuban missile crisis!
He just keep probing about my results and then rake up the past about my misconduct in secondary school and how I disrespect everyone and think highly of myself Then I retorted lor. Past is past. Now is now okeh! Then he said he'll confiscate my laptop and hp as usual =.= and then we talked about death. And then he threatened to throw me out of the house and said if im so good he shouldnt provide for me. And then I talked about how he'll rather provide for those rotten people back in malaysia than me.
Anyway I think Ive come to the stage where I need to break away from my parents and find my own identity and lifestyle. That's considered normal, right? I mean they're still my parents and its not like Im going to severe ties with them or whatever.
My father, being a hardwired engineer, doesn't understand my artistic brain. He thinks of life as a mathematical equation and everything must obey the law of physics. Everyone must be hardworking like him. And his notion of hardworking is like slogging, making no way for entertainment or daydreaming. All he talks about to me is school work, so sad right. All he's concerned about are my grades. It's like the sole existence of human beings are to chase papers. Subconsciously, he is a fundamental Confucian. Everything is about stockades of morals and ethics. And must abdicate your personal desires for upright morals and to make ur ancestors proud. Sounds so depressing. Sometimes I think he doesn't have a soul, all he does is work, fulfill responsibilities, come home and watch TV and play computer on random china websites. He doesn't read good books and he doesn't appreciate art.
I think he's just brainwashed by the industrialism era. Must drop everything and must work and work and work like an ant. Man work is just a means to an end. The end is happiness but many people have seemed to lose focus. Modernity has made man sick.
I want to have a soul. I want to love, dance and be flexible. Bathe in pools of desire and have an open mind. Capture every scents and sounds and live every experience. I want to have autonomy over my own body and mind. I want to be free. I want to be who I want to be and not to be a shadow of society or the strings of a marionette. Just because its norm in society, doesn't mean its absolute and correct.
Liberty. Equality. Fraternity.
I yearn for the day that I will be free.
That being said, I'm 19 and its time to do something about my life. and throw the teddy bears away.
Today, let's talk about people. Ive not touched blogging for a damn real long time, forgot how to embellish my words haha.
Let's talk about scheming people with insidious motives and shadowy tricks. 人心险恶，贪权贪利，防不胜防！
-Case study 1-
There's this mad chiongster in school that I cant stand. Somehow I think over-achieving attitude is driven by an internal lack of security, fucked-up self confidence and low self-esteem. She thinks that she's fat. And she's a homophobic, she makes fun of gays to relieve her own oily insecurity. In order to achieve success at all cost, she'll morph into a shape-shifting chameleon.
She has zero tolerance for nonsense and must be tense up 99% of the time like a terracotta army is at the opposite site of the river, waiting to rush over and massacre her. No giggling during cca sessions! Must be serious! Like a gungho fighter! Must do work! cannot slack for a minute! fuck you. obviously you dont understand what life is about and la dolce vita- the sweetness of doing nothing. During her free spare time, mugging is here favourite hobby. Besides that, she balances violin lessons,ballet,tuition and etc.
Since young, she just wanna achieve. And forever, she will be in the rat race. Primary 4 streaming exam, PSLE, sec 3 Streaming, O level, A level, Uni, get a good job, CPF, prepare for retirement at 80. what a sad life......
-case study 2-
i mentioned case study 2 before so this shall be short and sweet. very similar to case study 1, hypercompetitive and tense. cannot tolerate noise in class, if u make a joke in class, she'll turn around and stare at you with her horse face to convey the message：YOURE NOT FUNNEH!
And if you skip lessons or dont pass up homework, she'll stand on her high horse and despise you. Think you're worthless and nothing while on comparison, she being hardworking, is the most well-behaved person in the world!
If you slightly complain about school( which ure allowed to, god! freedom of expression!) she will snap at you: YOU CAN DONT COME WHAT!
sigh, case study 1 and case study 2 are the results of our overly competitive education system. competition brings the best results but brings out the worst in people. Selfish, uncaring individuals.
If the colors of old photographs fade and seep into drains, will they evaporate and precipitate as colorful rainbows?
If winds of change could be captured into a bottle, would you keep them?
末世纪的想法，没有绝对的逻辑.....
This blog reminds me of a deserted fairground. The ferris wheel have stopped spinning and popcorns are no longer served.
What's left? scavenging flies circulating around remnants of food. The bagpipes have deflated. No more merry music, only still silence lingering. Lingering in the cold,stale air.....
The laughter have dispersed and you could only hear soft howling of the wind. The clown have shed his makeup and removed his red nose for all the children have gone home.
The only thing that is working now is the merry-go-round as it does not need electricity to work. The strong hand of the wind pushed it from time to time and spins it around. Round and round it goes, never stopping. Spinning and never stopping. Never!
从恶梦中苏醒的那刹那，充满了生命力，也对一切充满了感激。
一切有为法 ，如梦幻泡影 ,如雾亦如电, 应作如是观.
情绪平定之后，整个人感觉好多了。脑细胞复原后，平静多了。好喜欢这种祥和，无忧无虑的感觉。不要让它消失，好吗？
when i was in europe i felt so happy that i thought all my sadness will go away. but when i come back to singapore, i breathe the stale air and i feel my life is in a standstill again. All those torrents of unhappy emotions came crashing back like waves that could erode shores and destroy habitats.
Travelling is a type of escapism but that doesnt mean it could transform your life. I have to change my lifestyle and do something groundbreaking.
I keep having escapist thoughts when I'm unhappy. I just wanna steal a boat and set it out on the choppy waters and get to the secluded islands. I'll then rock the boats, drive it up the bridge, burn the god damn bridge and start a campfire to celebrate my newfound freedom and independence. Freedom to. And freedom from.
Away from throngs and crowds of people who are too quick to judge behind their tainted glasses. I, too, should take off my glasses and wipe them periodically. I have been polluted and my heart is heavy from prejudice.
Bring me to a place where animals are treated the same as humans. Where freedom of speech is a right,not a priviledge. A place where I can protest without being thrown behind bars. A place where I can wake up during unearthly hours to paint graffiti for the sake of art. A place where dead bodies of suicide commiters won't be hand cuffed. This is my life, damn it, maybe it belongs to my parents too and maybe to a god (if he/she exists) but definitely not a collective state.
I guess I'm a hopeless romantic and manic depressive kind of person and perhaps I really need to break free from these kinda train of thoughts or I'll end up like those suicidal artists. It's so not cool.
Bring me to a place where animals are treated the same as humans. Where freedom of speech is a right,not a priviledge. A place where I can protest without being thrown behind bars. A place where I can wake up during unearthly hours to paint graffiti for the sake of art. A place where dead bodies of suicide commiters won't be hand cuffed. This is my life, damn it, maybe it belongs to my parents too and maybe to a god (if he/she exists) but definitely not a collective state.
I guess I'm a hopeless romantic and manic depressive kind of person and perhaps I really need to break free from these kinda train of thoughts or I'll end up like those suicidal artists. It's so not cool.
I don't want to go back to school where people have serpent tongues and spit poisonous venoms just because you act different and having to work monotonously like a robot for your grades just scares the hell out of me. Repetition and rote memorizing just makes my mind so dull. I wanna enjoy moments of life.
I'm infected by bohemianism lately. Just roaming around to search for meaning and purpose with the company of like-minded people. But how do I find people like that in this industrialised and realistic, often cruel society?
Guten tag, Ich bin jetzt in Berlin! -7 degree celsius, it's biting cold! when the wind blows, your ears feel like as if its being pricked with needles and your cheeks slashed with knives!
Nevertheless, Berlin is still an amazing city, having shaped and influenced the history of 20th century. Ransacked by the Nazis, bombed by the soviets, the city has fallen apart countless of times but it has never fail to pick itself up again and again. It has gone through transformations.
Ruin is a gift, it is the road to transformation！--Eat,pray,love
At bradenburg gate! The German equivalent of Triumphal arch. It is a famous landmark of berlin. Built when Germany was still called Prussia for sign of peace.
There were horse carriages around. Hmm, should I touch it?
Ok, maybe I should!
A closer look of the gate. There were alot of people dressed up as soldiers or teddy bears and urge tourists to take a picture with them. Euros needed. If they see that you look east asia, they'll say either ni hao or konichiwa first. If you don't respons they'll say aneonghaseyo wtf.
A christmas tree erected in the middle of the square to welcome christmas. There were also alot of people from middle-east and eastern europe who beg for money when they see tourists.
The way to escape this is to pretend that you dont understand english. sigh, i'm so cold-hearted.
Charlottenburg palace
The largest palace in Berlin. Seat to the Prussian monarchies. Germany dont have monarchies liao, suffered the same fate as the french one. Slaughtered during revolution(s) lol.
Went in from the back gate because I'm a sinister thief. Yes, it was snowing.
Me and my mum who dressed up as a pink power ranger.
The main dining hall. Look at the intricate gold carvings! Grandeur. Manifique. 完美。
A nice looking door and cozy fireplace, reserved for the aristocrats. No you peasants shall not enter!
A nice looking hallway with gold carved mirrors and chandeliers
I wonder how they paint the ceilings lol
The hallway
Painting room, renaissance and baroque art
Royal tea sets. My mum says: "do you want coffee or tea?"
Queen's bed. Man, she must be puny
This is the indian room I think. The royalties liked exotic stuff very much and there was even an oriental room with chinese and japanese furnishings.
There was a christmas night market! Europe's equivalent of singapore's pasar malam haha. Just in time for the festive mood!
A larger view of the windmill.
Flowery archway
People dressed up as angels and a musical band to blend music with the festive mood
Berlin victory column
the Berlin victory column. built in 1864 to commemorate Prussian victory over war with denmark. When I was there, it was still under construction.
This is how it looks like originally.
A park in Berlin, which is practically frozen
Parents drag their kids on sleigh here! I thought that only happens in storybooks.
Gendarmenmarkt
Konzerthaus
was built on the ruins of the National Theater, which
was destroyed by fire in 1817. And the cathedral is either the french cathedral or german cathedral. There were two identical cathedrals! I can't tell them apart haha but one of them is supposedly a little taller.
Either the french or german cathedral lol.
Mor christmas market! They are everywhere during December!
More toys.
twinkle twinkle little star!
Speaking of snow
This is not my first winter but it's my first time experiencing heavy snow falling down from the sky! I used to have this wild fantasy about snow and romantic icy forests. But this real experience kinda burst my bubble (I still like snow).
Trudging through thick layers of snow with your luggage isnt fun at all.
Not to say getting your shoes wet when you sink into thick layers of snow everytime.
Let's eat here and experience the chilly weather baby!
The city snow is damn disgusting. Snow is supposed to be white and pretty right but when it mixes with the dirt and mud it just gets icky!
Anyway I also visited charlie checkpoint, the berlin wall and the island museums but going to split it since its so long. Also got switzerland, munich, fussen, koblenz and prague,czech republic posts wtf. Wonder how am I gonna finish writing them.
Plus school is going to start soon in about 6days and I have lots of homework undone. Those hyper competitive pricks and restless must-get-it-done people must be saying: still got time to blog meh?"
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